A Wife's Submission

Ephesians 5 says,

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

No wife likes to hear the 'S' word, but what exactly does it mean to submit? And what does "respect" for our husband look like? I think one of the best ways to show respect for our husband is to submit to him.

Submitting to our husband is not mindless obedience, I believe it is actively supporting him in the leadership responsibility God has given him. This means we are not competing with him for leadership, but rather, building him up and supporting him in the decisions he makes. We, as women, often become so self-absorbed that we worry excessively about whether our rights are being infringed upon to the neglect of our own husband's well being. Shouldn't we instead be desiring our husband to excel in his leadership? Seeing the one we love most in this world find joy and contentment in what God has created him to be, is one of the greatest joys a wife can have.

In contrast, a woman who criticizes her husband, and who picks apart every decision he makes, does tremendous damage to her husband and consequently to her marriage. I think it is very important for men to feel that their wife really trusts them, and that she believes him to be competent, capable and worthy of respect. Sometimes it can be difficult for us to let go of control and trust our husband with our well being, but ultimately, it comes down to trusting God. If our husband is a believer, we can entrust him to God, and trust that He will continue to sanctify him and guide him in his decision making.

But what if our husband is sinning? Obviously, there is a time to confront, but even this can be done with humility and kindness. I love this example of Winston Churchill being confronted by his wife, Clementine, that I came across in Sharon James' book, God's Design for Women. It's an excerpt from a letter found in Speaking for Themselves: The Personal Letters of Winston and Clementine Churchill. The manner of Clementine's rebuke is so loving and respectful that you know she is doing it wholly because she cares about his well being. She says:

I hope you will forgive me if I tell you something that I feel you ought to know. One of the men in your entourage - a devoted friend - has been to me & told me that there is a danger of your being generally disliked by your colleagues and subordinates because of your rough sarcastic and overbearing manner...I was astonished and upset because in all these years I have been accustomed to all those who have worked with & under you, loving you - I said this, & I was told 'No doubt it's the strain.' My darling Winston - I must confess that I have noticed a deterioration in your manner & you are not so kind as you used to be...with this terrific power [as Prime Minister] you must combine urbanity, kindness and if possible Olympic calm...Besides you won't get the best results by irascibility and rudeness...Please forgive your loving devoted and watchful - Clemmie.